I'm passing your future prison.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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