I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
