you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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