Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
