Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
