Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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