ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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