shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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