I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
