soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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