he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I need moral support for this bender
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
