Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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