so that wasnt chicken after all
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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