is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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