had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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