So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
