Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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