Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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