Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
