you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
