We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
