omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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