My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
