ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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