i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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