Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
