Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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