Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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