Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
