You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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