Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
