your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
