She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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