Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
