if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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