Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
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i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
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It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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