He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
