mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
