Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
