she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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