Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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