so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize