Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Drake has all the answers
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
