honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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