i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
