are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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