I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
