Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
