There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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