I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
