I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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