Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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