I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
