At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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