I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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