i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
