I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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