My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
