i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
