in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
