I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
