this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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