Barsexuality is the new black.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
