she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
