oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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