Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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