I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
