i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i want to swaddle you in tequila
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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