I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
