I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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