he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
