I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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