I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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