There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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