I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
