Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Randomize
