Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
