I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
