the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
